The guys are going home and Schmidt is upset. Jess breaks up with Paul after discovering that she doesn't love him.
- Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day
- Jake Johnson as Nick Miller
- Max Greenfield as Schmidt
- Lamorne Morris as Winston Bishop
- Hannah Simone as Cece Parekh
Winston rolls around the apartment on the rollerskates Jess got him. Schmidt hates Christmas because everybody goes home. They're all planning on going to his office party tonight. He dresses up like Santa and gets dirty on all his coworkers when they tell him what they want and he uses that information to undermine and manipulate them the rest of the year, in the true spirit of Christmas. Schmidt gets up and we see he's in skates, too. He tries to tackle Winston at a slow roll. Nick, also in skates, tries to intervene, but they end up in a pile. Jess comes in, needing their help on getting a present for Paul. After only a month, she's not sure what's appropriate. She shows Nick the card she made for "Nerdy weird sex that works for both of us".
"Oh my god, now I know what to get my mom!" Nick says. On the way from the mall, Jess drives them through a neighborhood decked out with Christmas decorations. She wants to come back at night on the way from the office party to the airport, but Nick is resolved not to miss his flight for the fifth year in a row. CeCe is at work on a set in a bra and panties. Schmidt drops by with a gift. It's a shoot for a before and after for a Bolivian diet pill. They're interrupted by Kyle, who frenches CeCe hello. Schmidt explains he designed the perfume for her. It gets awkward. Paul and Jess exchange gifts. He got her tickets to Vienna and passes to a show. She got him an anatomically correct fuzzy heart of a 50 year old non-smoker. It beats. She wants to get him something better, but he tells her it's fuzzy and quirky and sweet, just like her. He says he loves it several times, then hugs her and says he loves her. She pauses, then goes with "Thank you."
The gang arrives for Schmidt's office party. They find him wearing only red boxers and dressed as "sexy Santa." Jess tells Nick what Paul says and he advises her to tell Paul if she doesn't feel the same way. She tells him she'll do it. Instead, Jess hides in the bathroom. Nick sees Paul standing alone outside and goes to talk to him. He asks if Jess talked to him and Paul says yes, so Nick reassures him that just because Jess doesn't love him now doesn't mean she won't one day. Paul says she told him they might have to leave for the airport early. Nick tries to pretend he's drunk, or joking or anything to rescue the situation, but it's too late. Jess and CeCe hide in the bathroom. Kyle wants to go to another party. Jess thinks he's the "living worst" and asks if he even got her anything. He didn't. CeCe tries her Schmidt perfume, but inhales and hacks ferociously. Winston complains to someone about the rigors of having a job and office life. We see it's a kid. Schmidt's boss Gina comes over, it's her son. She's impressed he's talking to Winston since he doesn't usually talk to people.
Schmidt sees Kyle mock CeCe for wearing the mustache Jess gave her. CeCe hears Schmidts mean coworker harassing him and tries to tell him to stand up for himself. He notices the bad smell and she tells him it's his perfume, but he's just glad she wore it. Outside on the awkward balcony, Paul begs Nick to tell him what Jess says. Nick tells him that Jess said the sex was incredible but she doesn't want to rush into anything. Jess sees them hugging and goes outside. Paul tries to cover for what they were talking about but only comes up with they both like jazz music. Nick confesses he told Paul she doesn't love him. Jess starts yelling at him and Nick tries to leave, only to find he's locked out on the balcony with them. Jess tries to talk to Paul gently, saying she feels overwhelmed. She says she got really badly hurt and is trying to not get hurt again. Nick's cell phone rings and he answers, explaining that he can't talk because he's in a weird situation.
Jess asks if they can keep going, just slow things down. Paul says he's not sure he can. Nick pipes up, but Jess shushes him. Schmidt finds Kim in the supply room with a bunch of women and tells Kim he's done being Santa. "Santa's dead, I killed him!" Schmidt says. Gina's son hears and runs screaming. Schmidt tells him she needs to start taking him seriously, so no more Sexy Easter Bunny, Cinco de Sexy or Sexy Martin Luther King Day. Kim says she can't believe it took him five years to say so. Winston fields a call from Nick's mom and assures her he'll make his flight. Gina comes over, panicked that she can't find her son. Winston helps look, sure somehow it's Schmidt's fault.
Back outside in awkwardtown, Paul tells Jess he can't slow down and if she needs to then he can't do this anymore. Jess says OK. Nick, the peanut gallery, tells Paul to consider the fact it's Christmas. Winston interrupts looking for the kid, freeing Nick from his awkward prison by opening the patio door. Winston wanders out front and finds Alvin in an igloo. He assures him Santa isn't dead. Alvin asks if Schmidt was just being a "d-bag", because that's what his mom said. Winston assures him he'll get extra presents this year. Alvin thanks Winston, but calls him "LeBron." Gina finds them and gives Winston her card. She says if he ever wants to hang out with Alvin again she'll pay him a lot of money, like whatever he's thinking, plus a lot more.
The guys, Jess and CeCe drive to the airport. Nick, the driver, sees that Jess is bumming out and makes a detour. They pull into Candycane Lane, but it's late and the lights are all off. Jess laments her bad timing. Nick goes to knock on the people's door, shouting that there's a girl who really wants to see the lights. Everyone joins in, shouting at all the houses to turn on the lights. One by one they all come on, in an explosion of wonderful tacky lights. Back in the car, Nick gets a call from his mom and tells her he's going to miss his flight. He hands the call off to Winston as the lights go off.
- Jess ends her relationship with Genzlinger in this episode.
- Nick has missed his flight home for Christmas, four years in a row. This episode marks the fifth.
- Gina's son Elvin hasn't seen any other santa except Sexy Santa.
- It has taken Schmidt five years to stand up to Kim.
- johnny b. goode | CHUCK BERRY
- 12 days of christmas | THE BIRD AND THE BEE
- run rudolph run | CHUCK BERRY
- i'll be home for christmas | SHE & HIM
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