When Reagan returns home from a work trip, Jess is concerned that she has been spending too much time being Nick's "girlfriend." Meanwhile, Schmidt and Cece obsess over security in their new home and Aly reveals an embarrassing secret to Winston.
- Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day
- Jake Johnson as Nick Miller
- Lamorne Morris as Winston Bishop
- Max Greenfield as Schmidt
- Hannah Simone as Cece Parekh
Special Guest Star
- Mason Davis as Greg
- Kayla Ashley Davis as Joni
- Tadayoshi Chae as Host Koki
- Curtis Schurer as Agent Isosceles
- Schmidt and Cece finally get to do it at Jaipur Aviv (their house).
- The Pepperwood Chronicles continues to be a hit among young adult girls.
- Cece wears Schmidt's kimono.
- Winston mentions that he fell asleep in the bathtub.
- Aly: I feel like I'm pretty up-to-date on your embarrassing secrets.
- Winston: Oh, honey. I have chapters in my life you know nothing about.
- Aly: Wait, really?
- Winston: Here we go. I once sold knives door-to-door in high school. And Byron Allen knocked me out.
- Aly: Yeah, that was, like, the first thing you told me when we met.
- Winston: Oh, yeah. (laughs) I do use that as an icebreaker, I forgot. Well, here's one from deep in the storage unit. Way in the back. I once got my foot stuck in a go-kart. And I had to...
- Aly: Hop six laps alongside of it.
- Winston: I've been kicked out of multiple focus groups for for crying too much.
- Aly: That happened yesterday, and I was with you.
- Winston: I fell asleep in study hall. Had a very loud sex dream.
- Aly: That happened to my family member, and I relayed the story to you.
- Winston: I fell asleep in a bathtub.
- Aly: Knew that.
- Winston: And I once dislocated my thumb getting off a couch.
- Aly: Okay, you got five more minutes on that hippo, and then we switch.
- Jess: Am I the only reason they're together?
- Schmidt and Cece: Yeah
- Jess: Am I the architect of my own nightmare?
- Cece: Okay, no, no, no, no, honey. It's not like you introduced them or something.
- Schmidt: Well, they did just get together because she left for jury duty.
- Jess: I've pushed those two together like a god on Mount Olympus, too cheap to pay for porn.
- Schmidt: No, no, no, it's like their relationship is a flood that's about to happen and you're the little Dutch boy with your thumb in the dike.
- Jess: Well, no more. I'm taking my thumb out of them. (groans) Is there anything other than Dutch boys or god porn? I know, pandas. I'm a zookeeper. They are my panda.
- Schmidt and Cece: What?
- Jess: Pandas wouldn't be alive without humans. They can't run, they can't growl, they can't even mate without us.
- ??: Have you been helping Nick and Reagan mate?
- Jess: In a way, yes. But I'm done. This zookeeper is through handing out bamboo. Reagan and Nick deserve a chance to see if they can survive on their own. Yes, and the zookeeper deserves a chance to be on a late night show with hilarious animals that poop on the host's... I don't what am I saying anymore? I don't know.
Notes & Trivia
- SOCALYALCON stands for Southern California Young Adult Literature Conference.
- Principal Foster gave away his possessions, including some old wine to Jess, after having a traumatic African safari.
- Jess is a rabid watcher of The Crown. Cece knows that in the show, picking lint off a man's sleeve is an intimate gesture.
- Aly taught English in Japan for a few years after college. She got mixed with the Japanese game show crowd where where she was a ten-time top master champion of the Japanese game show Protocol of Best Enjoyment. She keeps her old prizes in a storage unit.
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House Hunt · Hubbedy Bubby · Single and Sufficient · Homecoming · Jaipur Aviv · Ready · Last Thanksgiving · James Wonder · Es Good · Christmas Eve Eve · Raisin's Back · The Cubicle · Cece's Boys · The Hike · Glue · Operation: Bobcat · Rumspringa · Young Adult · Socalyalcon VI · Misery · San Diego · Five Stars for Beezus