Changes: Schmidt

Revision as of 21:28, 11 January 2013

Schmidt is one of the male roommates in New Girl. He is played by Max Greenfield.

Personality & Appearance Schmidt is a man with brown eyes. He has a muscular tone, and because of this he often takes his top off so he can show it off, especially when he sees Cece.

If ever I had a tough letter to write, this is it. My challenge is to convince you that Schmidt is simply incapable of entertaining an unorthodox idea. Before I get moving here, let me point out that if we let Schmidt create anomie, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization. In plain, simple-to-understand English, he does not merely put unbridled masters of deceit on the federal payroll. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. We must expose injustice and puncture prejudice. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Schmidt's sentiments.

Schmidt has been inventing a new moral system that legitimizes his desire to bring this battle to a fever pitch. It's time to even the score. I suggest that we begin by notifying people of the fact that Schmidt's crotchety ruderies have led to more, not less, propagandism in our society. No, scratch that. Let me instead make the much stronger claim that I once tried to explain to Schmidt that his policies will lock all the exits from our present state to the world of constructive reason. Rather than feel ashamed of himself, Schmidt got angry at me. What this says is that thoughtful people are being forced to admit, after years of evading the truth, that I have been right. I was right when I said that there are none so blind as those who will not see. I was right when I said that Schmidt's power is built on lies. And I was right when I said that Schmidt's view is that he's morally obligated to provide dictatorial thugs with an irresistible temptation to destroy our youths' ability to relax, reflect, study, and meditate. If Schmidt's slatternly, dysfunctional pals had any moral or intellectual training, such a position would definitely be rendered revolting to their better feelings.

Common-sense understanding of human nature tells us that rather than attempting to work out his disagreements with others, Schmidt commonly turns to his friends tapinosis and meiosis, calling his opponents "brain-damaged bosthoons", "disagreeable hellions", or even "sanguinolent nebbishes". I find that rather sad, primarily because as that last sentence suggests, Schmidt and others of his ilk are symbols of wild libertinism. But the problems with Schmidt's perorations don't end there. One of Schmidt's favorite dirty tricks is to forge letters from his rivals. These forgeries are laced with scandalous "revelations" about everyone Schmidt hates. Such trickery deflects attention from the fact that it's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. Schmidt distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain his current opinions.

As Schmidt feels less and less need to conceal his perceptions, he makes increasingly open moves towards crabby, wishy-washy ethnocentrism. That being the case, we can infer that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by morally questionable kooks, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. No amount of opinion or innuendo nor any string of unrelated gibes can change the fact that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that you shouldn't let Schmidt intimidate you. You shouldn't let him push you around. We're the ones who are right, not Schmidt.

Schmidt is often accused of retaining an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity. His bedfellows usually respond with a message along the lines of, "So what? At least Schmidt isn't nourishing ugly ideologies." I suppose there's an argument to be made for that, but aren't we forgetting that Schmidt's claims were designed from day one to demonize and penalize people who find success on the road to happiness? His epithets turn the stomachs of those who know even a little about the real world. I'll go further: I am not predicting anything specific. I just have a feeling, an intuition, based on several things that are happening now that Schmidt will trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all before the year is over.

Schmidt attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous "meanings" to ordinary personality characteristics. For example, if you're shy, he calls you "fearful and withdrawn". If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, Schmidt says you're "acting out due to trauma". Why does he say such things? The answer I shall provide is broad, plain, and even more than sufficient. You see, Schmidt's musings have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. Unfortunately, most people have been so brainwashed by his sophomoric bruta fulmina that when push comes to shove they'll end up siding with Schmidt. That's why we must reveal the truth about his slurs.

Confused Chadbands and stinking exhibitionists will join forces by the next full moon to take control of a nation and suck it dry. Equally important is the fact that I, for one, frequently wish to tell Schmidt that the inexorable cultural atrophy engendered by his insinuations will cause pain and injury to those who don't deserve it in the coming days. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. Prudence is no vice. Cowardice—especially his unregenerate form of it—is. In light of what I just stated, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that Schmidt wants us to believe that one of these days it will be considered cool to foment inattentive forms of political tyranny. Yes, things will be that way if we choose to believe that. I choose not to believe that. I choose to believe that the idea of letting Schmidt lead us into an age of shoddiness—shoddy goods, shoddy services, shoddy morals, and shoddy people—is, in itself, haughty. There are several logical contradictions in Schmidt's position on this matter. For example, he loves generating drama and conflict. That's why Schmidt repeatedly insists that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. It's also why he believes in procuring explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror.

If Schmidt's flimflams get any more shrewish, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. Schmidt's orations have created a nocent, ill-natured universe devoid of logic and evidence. Only within this universe does it make sense to say that granting Schmidt complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. Only within this universe does it make sense to use psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever Schmidt requires of us. And, only if we answer the disgraceful skelms who spawn delusions of fascism's resplendence can we destroy this parvanimous universe of his and call your attention to the problem of unpleasant, incoherent deviationists. Don't give his expositions a credibility they don't deserve. His favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that Schmidt wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to debunk the nonsense spouted by his proxies.

Contrary to what Schmidt would have you believe, we must plant markers that define the limits of what is wayward and what is not. Only then can a society free of his prudish notions blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that he contends that his allegations are Holy Writ. What planet is he from? The planet Coprophagous? To help answer that question I will offer a single anecdote. A few weeks ago, I overheard some petulant carpetbagger tell everyone who passed by that Schmidt is a man of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter. Astounded, I asked this person if he realized that our attempts to bring strength to our families, power to our nation, and health to our cities have so far served only as a divertissement for Schmidt and his stooges. Not only was his answer "no", but it was also news to him that when it comes to Schmidt's declamations, I, for one, aver that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to make him answer for his wrongdoings. The sooner we do that the better because if you read Schmidt's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that taxpayers are a magic purse that never runs out of gold. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that from secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, his lickspittles have always found a way to sow the seeds of discord.

Schmidt's acolytes, who are legion, have been seen manufacturing outrage at Schmidt's adversaries by attributing to them all classes of unbalanced words. Schmidt claimed he would take responsibility for this cruel behavior, but in fact he did nothing to fix matters or punish the culprits. This proves that everything Schmidt tells you is a lie. But there is a further-reaching implication: The very genesis of his brutal inclinations is in Machiavellianism. And it seems to me to be a neat bit of historic justice that Schmidt will eventually himself be destroyed by Machiavellianism. My long-term goal is to show principle, gumption, verve, and nerve. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, in any decent society, Schmidt would be just another deluded election-year also-ran standing on a streetcorner braying his nonsensical diatribes from atop a soapbox. Nevertheless, he has managed to gain some credibility among unpatriotic, rapacious exponents of particularism because they relate to her message that things have never been better. I challenge you to ponder this subject with the broadest vision possible.

Trivia

Schmidt was the only person in the apartment who hadn't seen Nick's penis naked until the episode Injured.
Has been shown to be a germaphobe.
Schmidt is Jewish.
Nick calls him filthy rich.
He said he's the smartest in the apartment.
He used to be very obese throughout high school and into college, right up until the guys moved in together.
It is theorized that his obesity caused him to have esteem issues where he tries too hard, both romantically and socially, much to the embarrassment of others. He tries very hard to impress his co-workers and even harder to impress people he knew when he was overweight. He becomes anxious and discouraged if people don't like him.
He can vomit on command.
Likes to go clubbing and party
Has an expensive sense of taste.
Has an intense interest in cooking and fashion
Wears a high-cut male kimono as casual clothing around the apartment, much to the discomfort of his roommates
Dresses as Sexy Santa for the Christmas party his office throws
Has regular donations to the douchebag jar, to the point where he doesn't even interrupt eye contact or conversation while donating
No ones know his first name,
He's the only one of the group that has had sex with Cece
He drives a Ford Flex (which suggests he's well off)

@@ Line 16: / Line 16: @@
 Personality & Appearance
 Schmidt is a man with brown eyes. He has a muscular tone, and because of this he often takes his top off so he can show it off, especially when he sees [[Cece]].
+If ever I had a tough letter to write, this is it. My challenge is to convince you that Schmidt is simply incapable of entertaining an unorthodox idea. Before I get moving here, let me point out that if we let Schmidt create anomie, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization. In plain, simple-to-understand English, he does not merely put unbridled masters of deceit on the federal payroll. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. We must expose injustice and puncture prejudice. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Schmidt's sentiments.
+Schmidt has been inventing a new moral system that legitimizes his desire to bring this battle to a fever pitch. It's time to even the score. I suggest that we begin by notifying people of the fact that Schmidt's crotchety ruderies have led to more, not less, propagandism in our society. No, scratch that. Let me instead make the much stronger claim that I once tried to explain to Schmidt that his policies will lock all the exits from our present state to the world of constructive reason. Rather than feel ashamed of himself, Schmidt got angry at me. What this says is that thoughtful people are being forced to admit, after years of evading the truth, that I have been right. I was right when I said that there are none so blind as those who will not see. I was right when I said that Schmidt's power is built on lies. And I was right when I said that Schmidt's view is that he's morally obligated to provide dictatorial thugs with an irresistible temptation to destroy our youths' ability to relax, reflect, study, and meditate. If Schmidt's slatternly, dysfunctional pals had any moral or intellectual training, such a position would definitely be rendered revolting to their better feelings.
+Common-sense understanding of human nature tells us that rather than attempting to work out his disagreements with others, Schmidt commonly turns to his friends tapinosis and meiosis, calling his opponents "brain-damaged bosthoons", "disagreeable hellions", or even "sanguinolent nebbishes". I find that rather sad, primarily because as that last sentence suggests, Schmidt and others of his ilk are symbols of wild libertinism. But the problems with Schmidt's perorations don't end there. One of Schmidt's favorite dirty tricks is to forge letters from his rivals. These forgeries are laced with scandalous "revelations" about everyone Schmidt hates. Such trickery deflects attention from the fact that it's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. Schmidt distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain his current opinions.
+As Schmidt feels less and less need to conceal his perceptions, he makes increasingly open moves towards crabby, wishy-washy ethnocentrism. That being the case, we can infer that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by morally questionable kooks, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. No amount of opinion or innuendo nor any string of unrelated gibes can change the fact that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that you shouldn't let Schmidt intimidate you. You shouldn't let him push you around. We're the ones who are right, not Schmidt.
+Schmidt is often accused of retaining an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity. His bedfellows usually respond with a message along the lines of, "So what? At least Schmidt isn't nourishing ugly ideologies." I suppose there's an argument to be made for that, but aren't we forgetting that Schmidt's claims were designed from day one to demonize and penalize people who find success on the road to happiness? His epithets turn the stomachs of those who know even a little about the real world. I'll go further: I am not predicting anything specific. I just have a feeling, an intuition, based on several things that are happening now that Schmidt will trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all before the year is over.
+Schmidt attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous "meanings" to ordinary personality characteristics. For example, if you're shy, he calls you "fearful and withdrawn". If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, Schmidt says you're "acting out due to trauma". Why does he say such things? The answer I shall provide is broad, plain, and even more than sufficient. You see, Schmidt's musings have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. Unfortunately, most people have been so brainwashed by his sophomoric ''bruta fulmina'' that when push comes to shove they'll end up siding with Schmidt. That's why we must reveal the truth about his slurs.
+Confused Chadbands and stinking exhibitionists will join forces by the next full moon to take control of a nation and suck it dry. Equally important is the fact that I, for one, frequently wish to tell Schmidt that the inexorable cultural atrophy engendered by his insinuations will cause pain and injury to those who don't deserve it in the coming days. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. Prudence is no vice. Cowardice—especially his unregenerate form of it—is. In light of what I just stated, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that Schmidt wants us to believe that one of these days it will be considered cool to foment inattentive forms of political tyranny. Yes, things will be that way if we choose to believe that. I choose not to believe that. I choose to believe that the idea of letting Schmidt lead us into an age of shoddiness—shoddy goods, shoddy services, shoddy morals, and shoddy people—is, in itself, haughty. There are several logical contradictions in Schmidt's position on this matter. For example, he loves generating drama and conflict. That's why Schmidt repeatedly insists that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. It's also why he believes in procuring explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror.
+If Schmidt's flimflams get any more shrewish, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. Schmidt's orations have created a nocent, ill-natured universe devoid of logic and evidence. Only within this universe does it make sense to say that granting Schmidt complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. Only within this universe does it make sense to use psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever Schmidt requires of us. And, only if we answer the disgraceful skelms who spawn delusions of fascism's resplendence can we destroy this parvanimous universe of his and call your attention to the problem of unpleasant, incoherent deviationists. Don't give his expositions a credibility they don't deserve. His favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that Schmidt wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to debunk the nonsense spouted by his proxies.
+Contrary to what Schmidt would have you believe, we must plant markers that define the limits of what is wayward and what is not. Only then can a society free of his prudish notions blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that he contends that his allegations are Holy Writ. What planet is he from? The planet Coprophagous? To help answer that question I will offer a single anecdote. A few weeks ago, I overheard some petulant carpetbagger tell everyone who passed by that Schmidt is a man of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter. Astounded, I asked this person if he realized that our attempts to bring strength to our families, power to our nation, and health to our cities have so far served only as a divertissement for Schmidt and his stooges. Not only was his answer "no", but it was also news to him that when it comes to Schmidt's declamations, I, for one, aver that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to make him answer for his wrongdoings. The sooner we do that the better because if you read Schmidt's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that taxpayers are a magic purse that never runs out of gold. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that from secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, his lickspittles have always found a way to sow the seeds of discord.
+Schmidt's acolytes, who are legion, have been seen manufacturing outrage at Schmidt's adversaries by attributing to them all classes of unbalanced words. Schmidt claimed he would take responsibility for this cruel behavior, but in fact he did nothing to fix matters or punish the culprits. This proves that everything Schmidt tells you is a lie. But there is a further-reaching implication: The very genesis of his brutal inclinations is in Machiavellianism. And it seems to me to be a neat bit of historic justice that Schmidt will eventually himself be destroyed by Machiavellianism. My long-term goal is to show principle, gumption, verve, and nerve. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, in any decent society, Schmidt would be just another deluded election-year also-ran standing on a streetcorner braying his nonsensical diatribes from atop a soapbox. Nevertheless, he has managed to gain some credibility among unpatriotic, rapacious exponents of particularism because they relate to her message that things have never been better. I challenge you to ponder this subject with the broadest vision possible.
+----
 ==Trivia==