Quick Hardening Caulk is the nineteenth episode of the second season of New Girl, and the 43rd episode overall. The episode originally aired on March 19, 2013.


Jess comes to a conclusion about her romantic feelings for Nick and she struggles to tell him - until she's hopped up on pain medication. But after admitting her feelings, she finds out he may have been keeping something from her. Meanwhile, Schmidt becomes obsessed with buying a fish, which Winston sees as a metaphor for Schmidt's unresolved feelings toward Cece and Nick plans a bar promotion to impress the bar owner.


The gang takes Schmidt, who is depressed over Cece's engagement from the previous episode, to get his mind off of it. As Schmidt gets drunk, Nick announces that he's no longer giving them free drinks, which confusses Jess and Winston. Nick proclaims that he's trying to be good at his job and announces a new promotion "Guys Night", which attracts Jess. The next morning, Jess admits to Cece in the bathroom that she "wants him bad." She admits that Nick being ambitious and driven about the bar is making her want him more. Cece seems to support the idea. Suddenly Nick walks into the bathroom doing laundry, and Jess acts weird around him, which Cece is enjoying. 

Back at the bar, it is revealed that Nick has a new boss named Shane and that they are sleeping together. They make out behind the bar in front of Schmidt and Winston. "I know this is not going to end well, but the middle part is going to be awesome," says Nick.  

Winston takes Schmidt to the aquarium to help get his mind off of Cece. While there, Schmidt notices a California lion fish that he wants. When the aquarium employee refuses to give Schmidt the lion fish, Schmidt breaks down in anger yelling that "love is a lie" as Winston escorts him out.  

Back at the loft, Schmidt buys an aquarium determined to get a lion fish. Winston, Nick, and Jess object to this idea seeing how expensive an aquarium is. Schmidt doesn't care, and he vows to get a lion fish saying, "we will create a life together," (knowing Schmidt is talking about Cece.) Jess and Nick are left alone in the loft, and Jess acts nervous around Nick, moving her body as she's talking to Nick. Nick finds her actions weird, "You haven't stopped moving since we've been talking."  he says. Nick compliments Jess on how "good she looks" in her dress, and Jess panics walking back into her room. Nick walks into Jess' room asking her for a favor, to drive him to the hardware store to prepare the bar for Guys Night. Jess refuses, and Nick asks her again. For a moment, Nick notices a hair on Jess' face, which he takes the liberty to remove for her, which Jess seemed to enjoy. Jess notices that Nick "smells so good" because he did laundry. Nick shows Jess his underwear, which he says is "blue now" since he doesn't know how to do laundry, but he's very excited about it. Ultimately, Jess agrees to give him a ride.  Nick also asks to stop by the grocery store, because Nick is in the mood for a salad, which irritates Jess.

At the hardware store, Jess becomes more turned on towards Nick as he's yanking a chain. Nick gives Jess a list of everything that he's looking for at the hardware store. Every tool on the list all have names that sound slightly sexual, turning her on even more. She then gets hit in the jaw by a plank and is knocked out.

Back at the loft, Winston buys Schmidt a clown fish, which Schmidt refuses claiming he "wants a lion fish".  Schmidt points out to Winston that if there was something that he really wanted, that Schmidt would be by his side helping him, no matter how silly it sounds.  Winston decides to help Schmidt get a lion fish.

Later that night, as Jess is in bed on pain killers Nick walks in with some hot soup. While on pills, Jess begins to speak what is on her mind like: "Jessie feel good", and "I like to say words with my mouth." Nick informs her she should get some rest, and suddenly Jess shouts out "I want to have sex with you." At first, Nick is shocked at the news, but the pills continue to make Jess say whatever is on her mind, "Sexy time for you says me. You are a "beautiful" white man Nick Miller."  Knowing that it's the pills, Nick starts to back away when Jess pulls him toward her attempting to take his clothes off. Nick manages to keep gain the upper advantage to help Jess get back in bed. Afterwards, Jess attempts to put her hand down Nicks pants saying, "this little piggy went to market." Soon, Jess accidentally head butts Nicks face, and he burns his hand in her hot soup. As Nick lies down in pain, Jess calms down and shouts, "Hey Nick, would you be a doll and get me some mustard."

The next day, Schmidt and Winston prepare to go to the ocean to get a lion fish. Nick walks in, with a bruise on his face and a bandage around his hand, asking Schmidt and Winston for some help if when a woman is on pain killers and wants to have sex with him, is it the pills or was it her. He also aks them, using door metaphors, how he should end his relationship with Shane without Jess knowing about her. Before Winston and Schmidt could answer, Jess walks in (completely unaware of the events from the night before) and expresses interest in Nicks guys night promotion at the bar. Nick, Winston, and Schmidt advise her to stay home and rest since her chin is still numb.

Winston and Schmidt go to the ocean to get a lion fish, but instead Schmidt gets stung by a jellyfish and they head to the hospital.

At the bar, the guys night promotion is a success and Shane expresses her approval by attempting to kiss Nick. Nick stops her however, with the intention of breaking up with her when he suddenly sees Jess enter the bar. Nick postpones talking to Shane by asking her to get more "nacho cheese", which Shane likes on how "worked up he gets over cheese." 

While talking to Nick, expressing how proud she is of him, Jess discovers that the guys night promo was "men drink for free." She is about to give advice to Nick about the promotion saying "women may not show up anymore," when Shane suddenly grabs Nicks butt, which shocks Jess, and Shane begins kissing Nick. Confused, Jess asks if Shane and Nick are sleeping together, which Shane confirms. Nick tries to apologize to Jess, who is heart broken and decides to leave.  Nick chases after her.

Schmidt lies asleep in the hospital when Cece walks in with a lion fish. Winston advises Cece that she should keep her distance from Schmidt since her engagement is "killing him."  Cece agrees and leaves. Schmdit wakes up and notices the lion fish. He reveals to Winston that the lion fish was a metaphor for Cece, which Winston already knew. Schmidt decides to let the lion fish go claiming that she "belong in great, wide open ocean."

Back at the loft, Nick walks in on Jess wallowing and eating ice cream. Not wanting to talk to him, Jess walks away, but Nick stops her informing her that while she was on pills, she revealed she wanted to have sex with him. Jess doesn't recall the incident and tries to deny it all. A small argument causes Nick to yell, "Do you want to have sex with me, yes or no!" and Jess yells, "Yes". Jess explains to a surprised Nick that she thought it was attractive that he was trying. Nick then accuses Jess of being a golddigger, which Jess immediately denies.  Nick responds "then prove it." They look at each other, and Jess, knowing what he meant, tentatively kisses him. After a moment the pair begin to kiss passionately. They interrupt the kiss multiple times to yell at each other, until Nick yells, 'shut up! Shut up and take your clothes off, and I mean it, take off your clothes'. He then clear the table, picking up a hammer in the process, and whilst yelling at an undressing Jess accidentally smashes an aquarium with the hammer, thus killing the mood. They storm off and go into their rooms, then come out of their rooms and kiss passionately for a few more moments before storming off back into their rooms.

Winston and Schmidt return to the beach to take the lion fish back. Schmidt says his final goodbyes to the lion fish.  



Guest Starring

  • Odette Annable as Shane
  • Christopher Gehrman as Aquarium Docent


  • Peter Navy Tuiasosopo as Big Bob
  • Darlene Kardon as Elderly Woman
  • Jeff Bowser as Drunk Dude
  • Sean Taylor as Random Guy #1
  • Casey Adams as Randon Guy #2


Notes & Trivia


External Links

Season 1 Season 2 Season 3

Re-Launch · Katie · Fluffer · Neighbors · Models · Halloween · Menzies · Parents · Eggs · Bathtub · Santa · Cabin · A Father's Love · Pepperwood · Cooler · Table 34 · Parking Spot · TinFinity · Quick Hardening Caulk · Chicago · First Date · Bachelorette Party · Virgins · Winston's Birthday · Elaine's Big Day
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