Jess and Nick evaluate their friendship, after Nick is convinced that Jess is only using him as a platonic boyfriend. Elsewhere, Schmidt hopes to impress an attractive Republican by pretending to be one of Mitt Romney's sons. Winston has random sexual fantasies, due to Shelby refusing to have intercourse with him for many weeks.
- Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day
- Jake Johnson as Nick Miller
- Lamorne Morris as Winston Bishop
- Max Greenfield as Schmidt
- Hannah Simone as Cece Parekh
- David Walton as Sam Sweeney
- Kali Hawk as Shelby
- Taryn Southern as Megan
- Anisha Adusumilli as April
- Rebecca Delgado Smith as Courtney
- Steven Turner as Doorman
- Tarina Pouncy as Waitress
Jess has Sam over and doesn't know how to handle a sex-only relationship. She leaves Sam with paper and crayons, and says she has to manage her fantasy football team out of panic. She runs to Nick for help, however was interrupted by Sam showing a completed drawing of a cat.
The next morning, Schmidt is showing off his belt with whales. Winston claims it looks ridiculous, but Schmidt assures him it is something Kanye West would wear. Jess tells the guys nothing happened with Sam that night, as she was too nervous. She laments to the guys that Sam isn’t the kind of guy you cuddle up with on the couch in your pjs, but that “he’s the kind of guy you bone”. Schmidt suggests that he, Nick and Winston help as her stand-ins and go on a “date” in order to fulfill the emotional side of a relationship before sex.
Nick is the only one to show up at the restaurant, as Schmidt bailed to go to a club where Kanye was in attendance, and brought Winston to show he can be friends with black guys. Jess shows up dressed to the nines and Nick is flustered at how well she cleans up. He runs through a serious of awkward comments meant to flatter Jess after calling her a 'loft troll'. The two roommates decide to stay and are forced in to an accidental one-on-one date.
Schmidt and Winston are attempting to get passed the bouncer when Schmidt finds out that Winston and Shelby are in the middle of a dry spell. Winston is having a hard time keeping himself from playing out sexual fantasies in his head with almost every woman he sees. Schmidt gives him permission and alleviates Winston’s guilt about the fantasizing, but in doing so he may have created a monster. After a couple of failed attempts at getting into the club, Winston pulls a security detail scam calling Schmidt 'Tag Romney'. Schmidt greets the bouncer “Let’s put America back to work.” The ruse works and the two get in to the club. Winston sees Cece and believes Schmidt is only there to run into her. Word however, spreads about a Romney being in the vicinity, Schmidt takes full advantage of the attention he gets from a sorority girl who claims to be part of “Kappas for Romney”.
Jess’ night turned out fantastically after her pre-sex date with Nick. She informs the guys that she ruined her dresser during sex with Sam. When Nick agrees to go to IKEA with Jess to get a new dresser, Winston lets Nick know that he is becoming Jess’ emotional fluffer. Nick fervently denies this but realizes Winston is right, he is playing the role of Jess’ boyfriend, but without the rewards. When Nick confronts Jess with this revelation, she suggests he sounds as though he wants the reward, to which Nick unconvincingly and exaggeratedly gags and sputters his way to a “no way”. Jess admits she’s thought about it once, flashback to a scene at the bar where Nick is playing with and talking through bar nuts. The two end up arguing which escalates rather quickly into personal attacks on one another. It ends with Jess declaring that she will call Sam and prove that she can have meaningless sex by going out with him. She can't find her phone however, and Nick makes it clear he won't be calling it for her this time. Her phone starts ringing after he leaves, and yells across the hall that he pocket dialed her and it was unintentional. He slams the door behind him.
Jess commits to the idea that she doesn’t need Nick to have sex with Sam and decides it’s time to get to know her pretty boy. The two go out to a decidedly unromantic diner, complete with paper cups and straws. Jess lets Sam know where they stand; essentially that if she hangs out with him she inevitably will fall in love with him, but that if they are to have sex she needs some conversation ahead of time. She decides to start their conversation by broaching the subject as to under what circumstances he would consider building a dresser for a woman. After a little pontificating, Sam tells her that he would only do this within the confines of marriage, not just sleeping with someone and definitely not as part of just a friendship, citing “I can’t build a dresser and pleasure a woman at the same time, I’m not God”. During the course of this “date” and conversation, Jess realizes that she has been fully taking advantage of Nick.
In the meantime Schmidt has been studying Romney facts so he can back up his story of being “Tugg” to the Kappas for Romney. Unfortunately for our dear douchebag the women become suspicious and call him on it. Despite a valiant effort and inspiring speech, he is unable to convince the Romeny-ites that he is related to their candidate and is shut down. Schmidt returns to the apartment a broken man, calling Cece for comfort with the plea that he is going though a Taylor Swift range of emotions. Cece tries to comfort him and offers him a snuggle with his favorite part of her anatomy, which he says are like memory foam.
Winston stresses that Nick can, under no circumstances build the dresser that the two of them bought at IKEA. If he does he has crossed a line that he can uncross. Nick breaks down and builds the dresser. Jess tries to stop him out of guilt, but he tells her that he loves doing it, “it’s like high-stakes legos”. Nick and Jess acknowledge that they are occasionally attracted to one another and that what they have together is messy at best. They decide to just keep moving forward with their friendship and don’t discuss any other possibilities, aside from Nick requesting Jess take care of her own fluffing from now on. Nick does share his sexy mix CD with Jess to help with her escapades with Sam. What Nick refers to as “the original fluffer” features such classic panty droppers as "The Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground and "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon, made famous by the video featuring Chevy Chase.
- Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance"
- Paul Simon - "You Can Call Me Al"
- Roomfriends: Nick and Jess both admit attraction to each other, but remain friends.
Pop Culture References
- Schmidt pretends to be one of Mitt Romney's sons, who was the Republican candidate in the 2012 presidential election.
- Schmidt goes to a club because he believes rapper Kanye West is there.
Notes & Trivia
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